The last few weeks have been rough. So many things seemed to happen at once. Just one unhappy event would have been managable. But it felt like we were being flooded with unhappy events. Add to that the fact that Joe was rightfully feeling sick of being sick. I was feeling helpless and useless. And even more, I was being haunted with the belief (which I'm sure was mostly imagined) that people just weren't understanding how tough things have been for Joe. I felt that his extreme positivity was masking the fact that it is not easy going through what he is going through. Not easy to feel less than 100% for months on end. Not easy to get a piece of hopeful news and then 3 pieces of not so hopeful news. Not easy to feel isolated from your friends and tell them that no...this week isn't a good week to visit, and neither is next week. I had these visions of people wondering why we are being so anti-social and overprotective, thinking that we're probably sitting at home day by day enjoying an extended vacation from life. Joe really does do a grand job of creating the illusion that getting diagnosed with high-grade MDS and going through a PBSC transplant is easy peasy. But while this has always made me so extremely proud of him, these past couple of weeks it made me sad. I felt this desire to shout and scream and say, "do you really, really, really, understand all that Joe is going through? Can you truly fathom the idea that he is only making it look easy?" I think it is natural to have emotional periods like this when experiencing tough times. Or maybe, I'm just crazy!
Well nevermind, because this is a new day, a new week, and we are both feeling renewed and ready to exude extreme positivity once again! Today was Joe's last dose of Vidaza. He received a quarter dose of what he was receiving pre-transplant. It was administered across five days through a 20 minute IV. Despite getting Zofran prior to the chemo, Joe has experienced bouts of nausea and decreased appetite these past few days. Hopefully the Vidaza will suppress Joe's cells, and the donor cells will be able to more effectively take over. Joe will be getting bone marrow biopsy #7 in about 25 days to see what is happening. We are also praying that Joe's appetite returns, and the nausea goes away now that his Vidaza treatment has ended.
So far Joe has gotten two negative CMV results. Hurray! Tomorrow we'll have the results from today's draw, and we just know it will be negative as well. Then Joe will receive Foscarnet once a day until he gets three more negative CMV results. We are hoping and praying and hoping and praying that after the next three negatives, his hospital visits will be tapered.
Joe's skin continues to peel. This just means that the rash from the GVHD is healing. It is a sight to behold. Combined with his swollen and also peeling eyes, Joe looks a little bit like a snake. Joe humors me by hissing. Joe also likes to remark that his skin is simply peeling from the sunburn he got while we were in Fiji (remember, the trip to Fiji was in Joe's head!) Then there is the nurse who said, "You're simply a-peeling (appealing)! I'm sure your wife tells you that all the time." You gotta laugh, you gotta groan.
Things are definitely looking up. :)
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Now for prayer requests.
* Please continue to pray for Baby Livi. She is 9 days out from her transplant, and she is just amazing. This week she turns two. Hospitals are not a fun place to celebrate a birthday. Fortunately, she has an extremely wonderful family.
*Continued prayers for Amy W. She just finished another round of chemo, more than 100 days post-transplant. At the end of the month, she'll be receiving a booster of stem cells from her brother.
* Also pray for Amy Katz. She has an army of people behind her raising money and holding bone marrow drives. They've added over 7000 people to the registry, and found donors for 13 people. Yet after 4 years, Amy is still searching for her perfect match.
Which brings us to the next announcement...(come on, stay with me here. i'm on a roll!)
Amy's Army is holding another bone marrow drive on
March 27th, 2007
7am - 7pm
Wintergarden in PPG Place
Downtown Pittsburgh
(You can download the forms necessary and fill them out in advance to make registration faster. Amy's Army)
All fees are covered by Amy's Army and the HLA registry. Please, please, please (yes, I realize I'm begging) if you are in the Pittsburgh area and you have not yet registered to be a donor, consider signing up on March 27. So many people approached us about signing up for the registry when Joe was diagnosed. I know many were discouraged when they discovered that the drives we held were minority-based. Well, NOW IS YOUR CHANCE TO REGISTER! It is an absolute miracle that Joe was able to find a donor within 6 months, especially since he is Asian. We are so blessed that a girl of 21 was brave enough to give Joe a chance at a longer life. Amy Katz has been waiting for years! Imagine that it is your child, parent, spouse, or sibling who needs a transplant. This is the opportunity to give the gift of life. Most people register and will never get called. If you do get called, don't think of the needles and other fears, think, "Wow! I've won the lottery! I've been given the privilege of being able to help another person - another family."
If you are in the area and have already registered, are not between 18-60, or are unable to register due to health reasons, consider helping another way. SPREAD THE WORD!!!! On the Amy's Army site you can download fliers or send emails with all of the information necessary. Amy's site also has information for those interested in volunteering for the day.
Finally, there is an Amy's Army Benefit Concert
Sunday, March 25, 2007
4pm-11pm
Hard Rock Cafe
Station Square, Pgh, PA
Cost: $10.00 donation.
Events like these are what make it possible for Amy's Army to hold bone marrow drives and defer costs. Many people aren't keen on spending $52+ to register, but $10.00 for a concert that will help defer costs for others sounds fair, right?
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Last but not least, thank you, thank you, thank you to
A.M. & A.D.
April & Paul
Auntie KT
Auntie SB & Uncle RC
Beth and Dave
Brian
Caryn
Cousin Van
GLA
Greg
Joanna
Lauren
Lih Jen
Lilly P.
Lou Ann
Neysa
Pastor Jim
PCC "head honchos"
PM
Sheena
Shelley
Sara and
Tina
for the encouragement you provided for us this past couple of weeks. It meant so much to us, and we really appreciate it! Thank you to everyone for continued prayers through all of our ups and downs. This would all be so much more difficult if we didn't have the support that we do. God bless!
Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings because we know that suffering produces perserverance; perserverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
~Romans 5:1-5
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9 comments:
Karen... you are allowed to feel mad and sad at times. We dont always expect you to be happy and chipper. Reading the blog does lead one to believe this has all been pretty painless and smooth for Joe. That is probably due to how its written - you ooze positivity. It is good that you reminded people of the hardships of daily life and the lack of freedom to do what you want when you are this sick. I dont think that anyone reading, if they really sat and thought about it, would say this has been a cake walk for Joe, you or his parents. Its a hard thing to grasp for most people because we havent been there (nor do we want to be). Its unfortunate that bad things happen to good people (like Joe). Personally, I am sooooo very proud and amazed at how strong Joe has managed to stay throughout the whole ordeal. I don’t know where he found his inner strength, but I’m very glad he did. I am also amazed at how you stayed positive and were always there for Joe and us (with the blog). Any time you need to vent we are here to listen.
Shelley
Karen,
I admire YOUR strength. Even though Joe is enduring this very long and hard journey, he is very fortunate to have YOU at his side. You are an amazing woman! Your words are very encouraging and you can vent at any time. I believe everyone knows that it has not been easy for Joe or for you to watch your husband go through this.
We will continue to pray for Joe and you. And hopefully we will see you soon.
Love
Janet & Frank
It seems that many people find themselves depressed around this time of year. While spring is slowly showing its face, and rebirth is on the horizon, people still feel sad. Winter really starts to wear on us...we wonder if it will ever end. With everything you have had on your plate over the last 7+ months, you are sure to have days like this. So, I don't think you are going crazy...and you have a right to get angry, and a right to rant...under one condition, you go back to being the strong, happy, optimistic lovely Karen we all know. Joe has had a wonderful outlook on this entire situation, which I think is the best medicine; however, I can see how people might not fully understand what this has been like for him. You are two of the strongest people I have ever known; proof of how much you both love life and each other.
Lots of love and prayers,
Neysa
Greetings from Indiana PA.
Praying tonight for healing--
You are in my thoughts !
Phyllis M
You're not crazy! The only people who can truly know what you're going through are those who have been/are going through it themselves, and even so, your experience is unique.
Joe and Karen, keep on blogging! It's not the same as being able to see people face-to-face, but for those of us who can't visit, it is a wonderful way to hear directly from you. The internet is a wonderful tool for combatting that social isolation of which you speak.
So, yell and scream and cry if you need to. It is in moments of weakness that we discover unknown reserves of strength.
Jocelyn
Dear Karen,
I was reading your blog this morning, and was really worried about you. Knowing you and Joe are suffering for weeks made me feel really bad, and I wish I could show you more of my support. Sometimes I just hesitate to write comments even if I really want to, because I feel that I can't write good English. But I surely know how tough and difficult this must be for you and Joe. I know both you and Joe don't tell us the really painful part, and only show the positive and bright side. And that is really amazing. I know it would be never easy for both you and Joe to go through this journey. And I am sure that your encouragement and faith are what make Joe staying strong. We are continueing to pray for Joe and you. Thinking about you all the time and we miss you!
- Cousin Sandy & Osamu
Karen, you are allowed to feel overwhelmed and frustrated. We don't think this had been a cake walk for you and Joe. Cancer of any kind is far from easy and Paul will tell you that first hand. We will comtinue to pray for both you and Joe and please know that you are in our hearts. If you ever need anything, just yell. We'll be there.
Paul & April
I think the best thing about today's blog was your honesty. It is a terrible disease, and it does terrible things to your life! And it goes on and on...day in and day out. My heartt can bleed for you, as it bleeds for Livi. Still praying each and every day for the mercy for this day!!!! GLA
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