Thursday, January 31, 2008
Classroom Dedication
Today, I returned to West Penn for the first time since September 7. It was weird. I was nervous. I believe that my mind was unconsciously resisting this visit. Preparing to leave, I ran from my car back into my house at least five times to grab things that I had forgotten.
Turns out, the visit was better than I could have imagined. Today, the radiology department officially dedicated a classroom to Joe. They had already been in the midst of renovating the room. Joe and I were able to see the lovely new paint job many months ago. Now the room has beautiful new flooring and new desks and chairs. But the best part, is the beautiful plaque that is hanging outside of the room. I was told that the room would be dedicated to Joe. I was told that there was a beautiful plaque. I had no idea how lovely the plaque would be. The image in my mind was dinky in comparison to what I saw. Lilly, the lady who allowed me to bother her in her office to vent, cry, rant, and rave was the mastermind behind it all. She is also responsible for the 3 pounds of cheese cubes that I ate today. :)
More people than I would have expected showed up for the dedication. I saw much of the radiology department, several of the wonderful ladies from the 7th floor, and there was even a group from Allegheny General Hospital. Photos were shared. Memories were shared. It was actually very comforting and healing to be back in the presence of all the people who came to mean so much to me. All of these people cared so much for Joe, and in turn cared so much for me. It was good for me to see and hear that Joe hasn't been forgotten. It was reassuring to me to know that not only is Joe remembered, but his life continues to touch and inspire others.
After the dedication, and after eating 3 pounds of cheese cubes and crackers, I floated around the hospital visiting with people. Lilly and I even ran into three of the ladies who took Joe's meal orders each day. Initially, they walked right past me and then one of them spun around and exclaimed, "Karen!" These ladies often smuggled food for me to make sure I was eating, so it was wonderful to see them again.
I am so grateful for the whole radiology department, the nurses and staff from the 7th floor, the lovely ladies from dietary, and the doctors, nurses, and staff from the BMT offices. I hope they each know that.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Some smiles. :)
Dealing with Monsters
And this is too sweet...
Psalm 23
I am doing well. In recent weeks I've had the opportunity to spend some quality time with good friends - in person and over the phone. It's been refreshing.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Study Gets Closer to Origins of Leukemia
By Randy Dotinga
HealthDay ReporterThu Jan 17, 11:46 PM ET
THURSDAY, Jan. 17 (HealthDay News) -- By studying blood cells in a young pair of twins, scientists say they're gaining new insight into how some children are poised to develop leukemia even before birth.
The researchers report in a new study that both twins -- one who developed leukemia and one who didn't -- shared cells that mutated and became precancerous. In one of the twins, the cancer-ready cells developed enough mutations to sicken the child.
The findings are a "first look at the earliest events in the process that ultimately leads to leukemia," said study co-author Tariq Enver, a professor at John Radcliffe Hospital in Oxford, England.
According to Enver, the next step is to figure out how to use this knowledge to help scientists do a better job of targeting specific leukemia cells with "smart" drugs.
Leukemias can affect both children and adults. An estimated 44,240 cases of the disease were diagnosed in the United States in 2007, according to The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.
Fortunately, the death rate from leukemia for children has fallen drastically over the past 30 years, although several hundred still die of the disease in the United States each year. The society estimates that 21,790 Americans died of the disease in 2007.
In the new study, published in the Jan. 18 issue of the journal Science, Enver and colleagues in the United Kingdom, Japan and Italy looked at cells in the blood of identical female twins. One developed leukemia at the age of 2, while the other remained healthy.
At issue: Before birth, did the twins share a certain type of cell that became cancerous in one twin but not in the other? The answer, the study found, is yes.
According to Enver, both twins ended up with precancerous cells, which they shared in the uterus by both getting blood from the same placenta. Somehow, further mutations made the precancerous cells become cancerous in the twin who became ill.
Dr. Bart Kamen, chief medical officer of The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, lauded the study as a "remarkable paper" that provides a new perspective on how leukemia develops. Essentially, he said, the study suggests that the precancerous cells don't always cause cancer but can do so under a specific condition -- that is, if they mutate beyond the initial aberration that made them dangerous in the first place.
As for the implications for treatment, the research suggests that "even if we killed the leukemia by killing the cells that are malignant, this one [cell type] might still be there. Maybe we didn't kill it," Kamen said.
But if scientists can figure out where the precancerous cells are, they can try to destroy them as well, he said.
Evers said the research could allow scientists to figure out which specific cells need to be targeted by drugs and allow doctors to monitor whether a treatment is working properly.
More information:
There's more on leukemia at The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.
Ten Common Myths & Realities About Grief
Writing to an advice columnist, a woman expressed these concerns about family members who are in grief. "My brother and his wife lost a teenage son in an auto accident six months ago. Of course this is a terrible loss, but I worry they're not working hard enough to get on with their lives. This was God's will. There's nothing to do about it. The family has been patient and supportive, but now we're beginning to wonder how long this will last and whether we may not have done the right thing with them."
A faulty understanding about bereavement shapes this woman's concern. Like many others, she does not have accurate information about the grieving process. The woman incorrectly assumes that grief is of a short duration and ends within a specific time frame. Whenever there is a loss to death—spouse, parent, child, sibling, grandparent—grievers struggle with a variety of confusing and conflicting emotions. Too often, well-meaning individuals who say and do the wrong things because they are uniformed about the bereavement process complicate their struggle.
Here are 10 of the most common myths and realities about grief. Knowledge of these issues is extremely helpful for both the bereaved and those wishing to help them. The bereaved gain assurance that their responses to a death are quite normal and natural. Simultaneously, family, friends, religious leaders and other caregivers have the correct information about grief, thus enabling them to respond more patiently, compassionately and wisely.
Myth #1. "It has been a year since your spouse died. Don't you think you should be dating by now?"
Reality. It is impossible to simply "replace" a loved one. Susan Arlen, a New Jersey physician, offers this insight: "Human beings are not goldfish. We do not flush them down the toilet and go out and look for replacements. Each relationship is unique, and it takes a very long time to build a relationship of love. It also takes a very long time to say goodbye, and until goodbye has really been said, it is impossible to move on to a new relationship that will be complete and satisfying."
Myth #2. "You look so well!"
Reality. The bereaved do look like the non-bereaved on the outside but inside, they experience a wide range of chaotic emotions - shock, numbness, anger, disbelief, betrayal, rage, regret, remorse, guilt, etc. These feeling are intense and confusing.
One example comes from British author C.S. Lewis who wrote these words shortly after his wife died: "In grief, nothing stays put. One keeps emerging from a phase, but it always recurs. Round and round. Everything repeats. Am I going in circles, or dare I hope I'm on a spiral? But if a spiral, am I going up or down it?"
Thus, grievers feel misunderstood and further isolated when people comment in astonishment, "You look so well!" Helpful responses should simply and quietly acknowledge their pain and suffering through statements such as "This must be very difficult for you," "I am so sorry," "How can I help?" or "What can I do?"
Myth #3. "The best thing we can do (for the griever) is to avoid discussing the loss."
Reality. The bereaved need and want to talk about their loss, including the minutest details connected to it. Grief shared is grief diminished. Each time a griever talks about the loss, a layer of pain is shed.
When Lois Duncan's 18-year-old daughter, Kaitlyn, died because of what police called a "random shooting," she and her husband were devastated. Yet, the people most helpful to the Duncans were those who allowed them to talk about Kaitlyn. "The people we found most comforting made no attempt to distract us from our grief," she recalls. "Instead, they encouraged Don and me to describe each excruciating detail of our nightmare experience over and over. That repetition diffused the intensity of our agony and made it possible for us to start healing."
Myth #4. "It has been six (or nine or 12) months now. Don't you think you should be over it?"
Reality. There is no quick fix for the pain of bereavement. Of course, grievers wish they could be over it in six months. Grief is a deep wound and takes a long time to heal, and that time frame differs from person to person according to their unique circumstances.
Glen Davidson, Ph.D., professor of psychiatry and thanatology at Southern Illinois University School of Medicine, tracked 1,200 mourners. His research shows an average recovery time from 18 to 24 months.
Myth #5. "You need to be more active and get out more!"
Reality. Encouraging the bereaved to maintain their social, civic and religious ties is healthy. Grievers should not withdraw completely and isolate themselves from others. However, it is not helpful to pressure the bereaved into excessive activity. Erroneously, some caregivers try to help the grieving "escape" from their grief through trips or excessive activity.
This was the pressure felt by Phyllis seven months after her husband died. "Several of my sympathetic friends who have not yet experienced grief firsthand suggested that I interrupt my period of mourning by getting out more," she recalls. "They say, solemnly,'What you must do is get out among people, go on a cruise or take a bus trip. Then you won't feel so lonely.' I have a stock answer for their advice: 'I am not lonely for the presence of people, I am lonely for the presence of my husband.' But how can I expect these innocents to understand that I feel as though my body has been torn asunder and that my soul has been mutilated? How could they understand that for the time being, life is simply a matter of survival?"
Myth #6. "Funerals are too expensive and the services are too depressing!"
Reality. Funeral costs vary and can be managed by the family according to their preferences. More importantly, the funeral visitation, service and ritual create a powerful therapeutic experience for the bereaved.
In her book, What To Do When A Loved One Dies, author Eva Shaw writes: "A service, funeral or memorial provides mourners with a place to express the feelings and emotions of grief. The service is a time to express those feelings, talk about the loved one and begin the acceptance of death. The funeral brings together a community of mourners who can support each other through this difficult time. Many grief experts and those who counsel the grieving believe that a funeral is a necessary part of the healing process and those who do not have this opportunity may not face the death."
Myth #7. "It was the will of God."
Reality. The Bible makes this important distinction: life provides minimal support but God provides maximum love and comfort. Calling a tragic loss the "will of God" can have a devastating impact on the faith of others.
Consider Dorothy's experience: "I was nine years old when my mother died and I was very, very sad. I did not join in the saying of prayers at my parochial school. Noticing that I was not participating in the exercise, the teacher called me aside and asked what was wrong. I told her my mother died and I missed her, to which she replied,'It was the will of God. God needs your mother in heaven.' But I felt I needed my mother far more than God needed her. I was angry at God for years because I felt he took her from me."
When statements of faith are to be made, they should focus upon God's love and support through grief. Rather than telling people, "It was the will of God," a better response is to gently suggest, "God is with you in your pain," "God will help you day to day," or "God will guide you through this difficult time." Rather than talking about God "taking" a loved one, it is more theologically accurate to place the focus upon God "receiving and welcoming" a loved one.
Myth #8. "You are young, and you can get married again," or "Your loved one is no longer in pain now. Be thankful for that."
Reality. The myth is in believing such statements help the bereaved. The truth is that cliches are seldom useful for the grieving and usually create more frustration for them. Avoid making any statements that minimize the loss such as, "He's in a better place now," "You can have other children," or "You'll find someone else to share your life with." It is more therapeutic to simply listen compassionately, say little and do whatever you can to help ease burdens.
Myth #9. "She cries a lot. I'm concerned she is going to have a nervous breakdown."
Reality. Tears are nature's safety valves. Crying washes away toxins from the body that are produced during trauma. That may be the reason so many people feel better after a good cry.
"Crying discharges tension, the accumulation of feeling associated with whatever problem is causing the crying," says Frederic Flach, M.D., associate clinical professor of psychiatry at Cornell University Medical College in New York City. "Stress causes imbalance and crying restores balance. It relieves the central nervous system of tension. If we don't cry, that tension doesn't go away." Caregivers should get comfortable at seeing tears from the bereaved and supporting their crying.
Myth #10. "Grief support groups are too depressing and not helpful."
Reality. Groups formed specifically to provide support for grievers are extremely helpful for the bereaved. Most who attend describe the meetings as anything but depressing. There, grievers receive encouragement, sympathy, practical advice and emotional support from people who have "been there." Also, those early in the grieving process see and hear from others who are further along and adjusting in healthy ways to the loss. Such individuals become strong role models for the recently bereaved.
Victor M. Parachin, Tulsa, OK, is a NFDA grief educator and minister. Send comments and questions to vparachin@aol.com.
This article originally appeared in the March 1999 issue of The Director, the official publication of NFDA.Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Still here.
In my mind, two main misconceptions exist. The first, is that because I'm grieving, I'm standing still. I just don't believe this to be true. Grieving has no timeline. There are no flags that appear announcing that you have passed level one. Yet, I know that I'm moving forward. I get out of bed each day. I venture out of my house. I spend time with friends and family. I self-reflect. I pay my bills. I eat food. I make plans for my future - something which is not easy, since what I once planned for my future turned out to be a mirage. Having a bad day, or having a good cry four months down the road does not mean that things have not changed, or that I'm moving backwards. It simply means that I'm still in the process.
The other misconception is that I'm dwelling on all the negatives. Miss Stubbornly-Optimistic-and-Extreme-Positivity may have sobered up a bit, but I'm incapable of dwelling on negatives. Instead, I'm making an effort to be real and describe the full picture to those who want a better understanding of what I'm going through. I realize that simply reading a blog further complicates matters because the inflections in my voice and my crazy facial expressions are eliminated. Then again, these days when trying to explain in person, I sound like my mouth is full of cotton. It's difficult to explain things others have not experienced. Imagine going on a fabulous vacation and seeing something amazing - like the Great Wall of China, the Grand Canyon, Easter Island, Scuba diving in New Zealand. Then imagine coming home and telling others about what you saw. They say, "Oh yes! I've seen pictures." Maybe they've even seen a wonderful documentary on television. But you know in your mind, that they won't ever fully grasp the wonder until they witness it in person. Now (do I sound like Joe, yet?) imagine the opposite. That's where I stand. Except, I don't want people to experience what I have experienced.
For some time, I thought that maybe I was going crazy. Maybe I was wrong and everybody else was right, and I simply wasn't grieving fast enough. Maybe all the ridiculous advice I was being bombarded with was correct. Then after a number of sessions spent venting to Victor (he really is a fabulous little brother), he said, "I read the last grief pamphlet that Pastor Jim sent and everything you've mentioned is in there." I've been receiving pamphlets from Pastor Jim, as well as my Indiana pastor and the funeral home. Admittedly, I'd been ignoring them. But after what Victor said, I started reading through all of them. Guess what everybody! I'm thrilled to announce that I am well within the realm of being normal. Yes, I realize this is a shock to those who know me best. :) I've also perused message boards for young widows. It has been a great comfort to know that all the things that I'm feeling and experiencing are not crazy. *whew*
I have plenty more to say. But I think this is enough for today. As always, thank you for reading, loving, praying, being.
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
A new year.
That's all I will say for now.
Praying for a better 2008.
Love,
Karen
