Spring

It is Spring. That time of year when the sun is shining, the trees are swaying, and the birds are chirping. That time of year when love is in the air and we walk around with stupid grins on our faces because that extra boost of Vitamin D makes us feel all twitterpated and re-energized.

I think about how things were a year ago, and I find...
It's a strange feeling for me to be able to go out and enjoy the sun and the flowers.
It's a strange feeling to be enjoying all the beauty by myself.
It's strange to feel carefree and happy. (Although the "but..." in the back of my mind never goes away.)

This week, I feel as though I've fallen in love...with myself. This will sound completely normal to Cousin Van who claims that I am narcissistic. (There is likely more truth to that notion than I care to admit.) But in all seriousness, my self-esteem was shot to pieces months ago. Some weeks I would gain a burst of confidence...and then I would feel defeated again. I'm not sure how long this latest bout of confidence will last, but I'm going to cling to it as tightly as I can. I'm perfectly fine with my brain believing that I am beautiful, valuable, and lovable. Just call me Little Miss Narcissistic.

Speaking of beautiful, valuable, and lovable. I need you to begin storming the heavens with prayers and sending all the good vibes and virtual hugs you can in the direction of California. Erica, has been undergoing full body radiation, and is scheduled to have a bone marrow transplant on April 29. You have no idea how much I want her to beat this stupid sucker known as leukemia. I hate, hate, hate leukemia. I have been so inspired and touched by Erica, her family, and friends. They have such love. They are so real. They are so cool. Pray, pray, pray for this amazing girl and her family.

I was remembering today, how I used to always ask people to share "Praise reports." I firmly believe that no matter how awful you think your week has been, you can come up with something to be thankful for. I have a lot of praises to report this week.

~After a month, I GOT MY CAR BACK!!!!!! I'm so thrilled. It feels like getting a new car. It looks beautiful. The car doctors did a wonderful job. They even cleaned the whole interior of my car, so there is this lovely, fresh, soap smell. I'm so happy. And I'm thankful for my super cool neighbor Greg, who drove me over to fetch my car.

~There is a lovely high school girl named Dorothy at my church. She had the opportunity to play side-by-side with the Pittsburgh Symphony Orchestra this week. Her family invited me to attend. It was a wonderful concert. An added bonus is that I got to see my Uncle Kao who plays for the symphony. I told him that Dorothy was more important than he was...and the whole reason I was there. Another added bonus was free ice cream after the concert!

~I attended a self-defense workshop for women this week. I think that all women should do this. It was really great.

~I've still been attending the "Growing through Grief" group. It has been really wonderful for me.

~I took a little hike with my neighbor Cathy and her dog.

~I started crocheting again, after an extended break. It makes me happy.

~I've been taking this web page design class. No matter how grouchy I might be when I wake up, my classmates put a smile on my face. I just walk in there and laugh. Today I was really excited, because we learned something that I've been wanting to learn since day one.

~Spring is beautiful.