The weekend of The-Great-Fluffy-White-Dress-Photoshoot, I was so happy that I felt sure that the rest of the week would be just as lovely. After all, according to the people in my pottery class, I'm "happy girl." Milestone, shmilestone. I had gotten through all the others just fine. Maybe I had gotten a little sad here, a little teary-eyed there - but honestly, anybody who is anybody gets a little sad or teary-eyed sometimes.
So I started off the week minding my own business with not a care in the world. This worked until Tuesday, when my heart began to feel heavy. I chose to ignore it. And then. Oh, and then... Tuesday night, when I wasn't paying attention, the grief monster came up behind me and swallowed me whole. So there I was, sitting in the bowels
of the evil, evil grief monster. It was as awful as it sounds. But enough of that. Let's skip to the happy part. The happy part is that at the end of each day - and I mean EVERY SINGLE DAY (yes, even the yucky ones, and the "why are people stupid?" ones, and the "ARRRRGGHHHH, I just need to scream and stomp" ones) - I can honestly say that I am so blessed, and so loved, and so supported. Even better, is that when I need it most, God reminds me that I'm not alone by sending me angels! Last week, my angels were Crystal and Kathy. They appeared at just the right times, and I'm so very thankful.
Yesterday, was a beautiful day. I ventured out to the park to visit my tree friends. It was so lovely, I decided to return again this morning. I found an unoccupied playground, so I decided to play. I went down the slide. I played on the swings. When I got on the swing, "All Things New" by Steven Curtis Chapman started playing on my iPod. I thought that was lovely.
In the afternoon, I attended the first of six sessions in a "Growing Through Grief" program. It's basically a support group. It was a small group of five ladies and two leaders. Except for one of the leaders, I was definitely the youngest one there. It could have been weird. Strangely, it wasn't.
~~~
Name: All Things New
Artist: Steven Curtis Chapman
Album: All Things New
You spoke and made the sunrise, to light up the very first day
You breathed across the water, and started the very first wave
It was You
You intoduced Your glory, to every living creature on earth
And they started singing, the first song to ever be heard
They sang for You
You make all things new
You make all things new
Then the world was broken, fallen and battered and scarred
You took the hopeless, the life, wasted, ruined and marred
And made it new
You make all things new
You make all things new
You redeem and You transform
You renew and You restore
You make all things new
You make all things new
And forever we will watch and worship You
You turn winter into spring
You take every living thing
And You breathe Your breath of life into it over and over again
You made the sunrise, day after day after day
But there's a morning coming, when old things will all pass away
And everyone will see
You make all things new
You make all things new
Come redeem and come transform
Come renew and come restore
You make all things new
You make all things new
And forever we will watch and worship You
Now and forever You are making all things new
You're making all things new
Hallelujah...
"All Things New" by Steven Curtis Chapman
6 comments:
wow. in some ways, it feels like there's no way it can be seven months, but in other ways, it feels like there's no way it can be *only* seven months. i miss him. not like you miss him, of course, but still. i miss you, too, and i hope that you'll come knitting with us some time soon. lots of hugs, me.
you are brave....a grief support group....i am glad it wasn't too weird! g
Karen, you are the strongest person I've ever met. You amaze me each and every day. You are still in my prayers daily.
April & Paul
Karen,
I can't even pretend to understand this wave of emotions but I can tell you that you are very loved. I think & pray for you & your family every day. Sending lots of wishes that things get a little easier every day.
I found your site through the YWBB, and I have to say I loved what you've done. I've kept my own blog about being a young widower, my wife died of organ failure after a 4 year fight with leukemia. I look forward to reading how things are going for you, I'm 6 months removed (I noticed our spouses passed away around the same time) FYI - I enjoyed the photoshoot, very creative.
I passed by that tree on Saturday while doing a walk for colon cancer and thought, "hey that's the tree on Karen's blog". Glad to hear you found a group to give you some support.
Sheila
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