Back home

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I am back. My tropical paradise for a week was a Hawaiian cruise. It was wonderful. I hung out with my parents, I made fabulous new friends, and I even hugged a palm tree. We were a group of fifty-one celebrating my dad’s 40th reunion from Kaohsiung Medical College. Each time the purple banner came out people would stop and stare at our group as though we were a local attraction. It was pretty funny.

Hawaii was incredibly beautiful and pleasantly distracting. It was nice to get lost in a seemingly alternate reality for a week. I must admit I was a bit nervous about going. Hawaii has this romantic vibe that draws in plane-loads of honeymooners and canoodling couples. I wasn’t sure if my heart would be able to handle it. Turns out, whether they realize it or not, my parents and the rest of the fifty reunion folks that I hung out with during the week were amazing. Some of them knew the whole story about Joe and me; some of them did not know much at all. But somehow the time with all of them – even during the boring bus tour moments when everyone was nodding off – felt like one big hug. I felt supported but not smothered. Even my ultimate silliness was accepted.

I made some wonderful new friends. The trip wouldn’t have been the same without some other “kids.” Diana and I were buddies for the week. We definitely had some crazy times. Jim and Brian completed the other half of our “kids corner.” Many nights at dinner, the waiters would set up a gigantic long table for our group. The kids always occupied the same corner. We shared a lot of laughs…and a lot of desserts. Shawn and Lu-yi were the other two kids. They had a lot to celebrate - two birthdays, a wedding anniversary, and a baby on the way – so we didn’t get to see them every night. They were really entertaining when they were around.

Initially, I felt uncomfortable even mentioning Joe. I barely knew some of these people, and I didn’t want to be that lady who shares her whole life story with every person who glances in her direction. As the week progressed, I knew it was okay to share when I needed to. Joe was in my heart. We experienced Hawaii together. Being in Hawaii and being surrounded by such intense beauty, I knew that God was all around me. It made it easy to have fun and celebrate life.

The healing process continues, especially now that I’m back home. But a friend commented to me “He gives us the choice - to be held and stand tall, or to wilt and succumb.” I plan to continually choose the former.

A special thank you to my parents for taking me to Hawaii with them. They were really great. Emotionally, I’m still all over the place. But since my parents are my parents, they are usually the only ones to witness the ultimate grouchy side of my healing process. Now that I’ve officially mentioned it, they will proceed to tease me about it forever. But truly, I’m grateful to them. Because to be able to endure my ugly side is true love.