Desert Song

The main reason for my recent trip to Toronto was to visit my dear friend Sheena. Yes, the Sheena who opened her apartment to me while she was in the 'burgh and Joe was in the hospital. I've been blessed with amazing friends. She is one of them. Sheena is real.

...I was going to get preachy...but I'll save that for another day. :) (Stop laughing, Sheena!)

While in Toronto, Sheena, Ray, and I attended the Hillsong United Conference. It was this incredible time of praise and worship. Imagine hundreds and hundreds of people filling up a convention center and praising God. A lot of the people were in high school and college, which made us feel old and young all at the same time.

College is really when my faith blossomed. I'm not exactly the same girl now that I was back then. Back then, I was hyper, loud, and bounced off of the walls. (Only the people who knew me then and now can properly recognize that I've mellowed out a bit.) It didn't happen immediately, but at some point I became such a "Jesus Freak" that I'd go up to almost anyone and say, "Come to church!"
"Join the choir!"
"Praise God!"
"Wake up at the crack of dawn and pray with us!"

Yeah...I was pretty intense. In fact, that Karen would likely scare the living daylights out of the present day Karen. One thing has remained constant though...my faith. There have been days when I have felt so incredibly lost and alone that I have questioned my unwavering faith.
"My world has crumbled around me, why in the world am I still trusting in God? Am I just that dumb and naive?"

I don't really have a good answer for that. All I know is that I needed to have faith. I need to have faith. As much as it doesn't make sense - it's the only thing that does make sense. I could ramble endlessly about the cruelties of life. I could proclaim, "Woe is me." I could play the role of poor, poor widow very well. In fact, I've done all that - not proudly. But, I need to believe that there is a reason for all of this. I need to believe that there is a greater purpose in all of this.

I believe that it's my faith that has carried me through the worst days of my life. It is what enabled me to face my grief head-on. It is what transformed my pain into peace and my fear into excitement. It is what allowed me to feel blessed rather than persecuted.

So I found myself at this conference (that's how I started this whole post, remember?). It was such a wonderful experience. It felt like this perfect way to end this year of grief. For the first time in a long time, I found myself really letting go and praising - not just singing. It was so freeing.

I learned several new songs. One of them became my new theme song. Actually, it became a favorite for all three of us...

Desert Song
words & music by brooke fraser

This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

This is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame

I will bring praise I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice I will declare
God is my victory and he is here

This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on its way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on his promise I'll stand

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favour and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow

~~~

"Only you can take the widow's cry
And cause her heart to sing"
~ from the song 'Solution' by Hillsong United