Friday, August 22, 2008
Tears
Speaking about shedding tears... Today, I suddenly decided that I needed a big cry. It has been months since I've had a big cry. I cried, and cried, and cried. I cried the kind of cry that hurts so much while it lasts, but then makes you feel like you just unloaded a huge weight. Then I realized that I had no idea whether I was crying about losing Joe...or if I was crying because I'm losing the part of myself that feels lost without Joe. He will always and forever be in my heart. I will never stop loving him. But that feeling of being so lost is fading. It's empowering for sure - yet also so scary, because it's a feeling that I've identified with for so long...
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9 comments:
You were no doubt releasing the tears you didn't shed during the music program? I'm so glad the feeling of being lost is fading. Wishing you peace and love as always sweetie!
i can't imagine how hard this must be. there's a lot to grieve there in that big heart (and in such a tiny body!) of yours. i am so glad that you have your widder group to help you process and figure out some of this stuff. i'm so proud of you for coming through it all with your usual grace and i feel very lucky to know you :) you've made me better.
Sending lots of hugs to you sweetie. You've been through so much and can cry whenever you need it. I saw your earlier post too, I'm so glad you had an enjoyable time at the your music therapy program. What a wonderful gift you have.... it's so generous and wonderful that you're able to start sharing it again.
I was just telling someone about Joe today and realized it's been about a year now, hasn't it? It seems like tears would be part of reflecting on such a major milestone.
I hope the workshop at Berklee is the beginning of a regenerative and creative time for you.
(((hugs)))
Jocelyn
Such happy and sad news all wrapped up in on entry. You continue to amaze me with your ability to share your heart with all of us...you are one in a million!!!
Sending you lots of love and prayers.
Neysa xo
Lots of love, prayers and hugs to you Karen. Losing the lost feeling sounds like a very healthy and very normal part of the grieving process.
Lots of love and prayers to you Karen.
-a
Karen,
I think about you all the time and keep on reading. Funny how those tears just show up at random moments. I have had a day or two like that lately. And we are approaching the anniversary of Joe and Amy's departure from us. I miss Amy.
As a side note, for some reason the kids and I had The Price is Right on this morning - another random moment! But a leukemia patient who is in remission was on the show and it was Nancy!! I scrolled back through her blog and saw that she was there in June 2008. How fun to see her there. She was able to thank her bone marrow donor on national tv. I thought that was pretty special.
You will be in my prayers as the days go by. May the Lord bless and lead you along.
Sincerely,
Anita Martin - Amy Wilhoite's mom
this probably sounds really weird...but "holding" on to the sorrow (when really the sorrow holds you) is part of having our loved ones with us. sure there are tons of happy memories, but at present it seems as though they are held in abeyance by our grief. so, i don't want to "lose" the grief in a way...that is part of how i loved my girl..... some day it will be different, but for now...
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