Preface

Several months ago, I received a brochure in the mail. It was for a four day summer institute at Berklee College of Music in Boston. The topic of the institute was Hospice and Palliative Care Music Therapy. I promptly threw the brochure in a corner to collect dust. Didn't these people know what I had been through? How dare they send me such a thing.

A couple weeks after that, Kenny, a father at church who has been such a source of support through this whole journey sent me an email. Some hospice was looking for music therapists and he thought I may be interested. I stared at the screen for a minute and then said, "Uhm, no. I don't think so." (Sorry Kenny.)

Meanwhile, I was attending my six week support group, "Growing Through Grief." I was also conversing with other widows and widowers through this amazing thing called the internet. One huge lesson that I was learning was how good it made me feel to help others. It felt good to not be selfish all the time and to remember that others are hurting too. (But it's still important to be selfish sometimes.) I would get so excited when I would share how I got through various milestones and make someone smile. And I would get so excited when someone would tell me that something I said or did inspired them through one of their milestones.

Then one week I found myself spending endless nights wide awake trying to figure out what I wanted to do. Most of my life I have found myself making decisions that I thought would make others happy - while still trying to hold on to who I was. This year, I made the decision that I was going to take this opportunity I was given to re-discover myself and truly follow my heart. Shortly after Joe died, a door opened for me to return to music therapy. I was excited, but then realized I couldn't do it. I had too much work to do on me to be able to do any kind of therapy with others. So I started to dabble with other interests, running as far away from the field of therapy as I could.

I remember an early conversation I had with a friend about finding some type of support group. My response at the time was that I could see myself leading a support group more than I could see myself attending one...and yet, I knew that in my state at the time I wouldn't be an effective leader.

Back to my endless nights of no sleep... I was working on myself. I was re-discovering myself. I was attending a support group. And I was finding myself completely drawn to hospice and palliative care as well as grief and loss therapy. I actually started looking for grief counseling programs. Then it dawned on me. I'm a music therapist. I can do all of this using music therapy. Not only that, but I miss music therapy.

Coinciding with this revelation of mine was an email reminder to register for the Hospice and Palliative Care Music Therapy Institute. Eventually, I learned about the Centers of Music Therapy in End of Life Care and the trainings they offer, including another one in Grief and Loss Music Therapy.

To be continued...