Labels

Since Joe died, I've connected with many widows and widowers virtually and in real life. It's been enlightening to hear each person's story. Our stories are all at once very different and very similar. Through these connections, I've continued to learn so much about myself... about life... about mourning and grieving.

Many times, someone will share something and I can't stop thinking, "Wow. Yes."

Recently, a widower shared something that I found to be so true and valid. He speaks of one specific example, but what he says can be applied to other areas of life as well. So I'm sharing an excerpt... [DW = Dear Wife]

We are the authors of our every next moment.
Are you “writing” yourself a happy today and tomorrow?
Are your labels/thoughts in line with the future that you long for?

I was thinking about the choice we each have in accepting a label that society has placed on us….and the choice we each have in the labels that we “give” to ourselves. I think it is crucial that we take a good look at these labels because I believe they are extremely instrumental in defining our future. For example, in regards to dating, I once had the thought “boy, it’s gonna be hard for me to find someone that can accept the love that I will always have for my DW”. Internally, I more or less gave myself the label of “Damaged Goods”. If I ask myself the question I posed above…”Would I like to have that label (Damaged Goods)?”. The answer would be a big “Heck no”. Does this label allow me to grow? No. Does this label lead to what I want for my future? No, no, and no. That powerful label was debilitating because it limited what I believed I was worth….limited what I believed I had to offer another. Once I realized the disservice I was doing myself, I immediately pitched the lousy label. I chose a more hopeful label/perspective, and instead of focusing on the challenges that the love I have for my DW would pose on a future relationship, I instead chose to focus on the fact that I now have more love to offer another! What a difference this made for me. It allowed me to view my love for my DW as an actual asset…I have more love to give others!…more love to give the world!
Now while I’m not naïve in thinking that my past will never present challenges in future relationships…I think the important point is, that I/we need to focus on our “special gifts” not on our “special needs”. [Thank you, AR]

I think some variation of what was written has been a conversation I've had in my head each day for months and months. Here's to writing a happy today and tomorrow. :)